Funkey-ness

It’s been awhile. I know bad me. I got into a kind of funk and it’s been pretty damned hard to try and shake it.


We have one hell of a busy day tomorrow. 3 hospital appointments all regarding different things. Connor has his check up with a specialist growth doctor. I have a long-awaited appointment with my rheumy ad my partner has to have a tooth out. 1 doctors appointment for me for minor surgery. So it’s going to be a busy busy day.

The little things.

Hugs and kisses and smiles are what keep me going. No matter how much pain I’m in just one little smile, one “arms around the neck hug” one snotty wet kiss. Gives me the strength to fight back. When I’m in so much pain I’m crying in the toilet just a peck on the cheek from Connor and for him to say its all better gives me the strength to carry on. If it wasn’t for those little moments I would have given up a long time ago. His my everything. He truly is. See it’s truly the little things that can make your day worthwhile. Make all the pain disappear for a second. I am truely grateful for such a wonderful caring son.

Freedom

Isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Connors hopefully enjoying his first half day at nursery. I’ve put it off for months even though I needed help. Now I’m sat at home alone listening to the washing machine on a spin cycle. I am bored senseless. His been there almost 3 hours now and I already have my shoes on ready to limp out the door and go get him. Don’t get me wrong I am more than happy to have some time to myself I even managed to do some of the housework. But now the house is just too quite. I am sure that once I get used to being able to pee without a 2yr old trying to pull up my trousers ill settle down a bit and maybe even attempt to make some friends or be really daring and have a cheeky little nap.


The thing people don’t understand when I say about my friends or the lack of is that keeping friends when you have a child is hard enough. Your no longer fun you, pretty much always smell of sick, and instead of a night on the town all you want is to sleep for more than 3 hours without having to do an arse change. Needless to say most my friends disappeared as soon as my bump arrived. Having a child and having EDS makes friends almost as rare as an honest politician. On top of the fore-mentioned there is also the different “elements” of the condition. I’m not just talking about the unsightly supports, the crutches or embarrassing “problems” in public but also the mental and emotional aspects of EDS. If they can get over the physical problems the mental ones are normally the thing that makes them skip my name in the phone book. Depression, anxiety, fatigue, pain. Most people don’t understand how isolated being disabled or being a parent can make you feel. Especially if they don’t have any experience of it. I’m not bitter or angry or even that upset about it now. I have always liked my own company. I just wish that instead or someone thinking”oh no I won’t invite her, she can’t do it” I would rather they let me decide after all it’s my disability, my choice. And just because I have said no once don’t think that I’m always going to say no, maybe the last time you was kind enough to ask I was laid up in bed where as this time I’m ready to shake my booty till something pops!!

:'( bad week :'(

It’s been a long terrible week. So many times I have ended up in tears wondering what’s the point of it all. I have been in amazing pain due to my EDS, and to top it off I’m still having problems with my teeth. Trapped nerves again this time in another tooth. The filling started to “bubble” and has started to fall out. That’s when the pain was at its worse. I also ended up with an abscess just above the tooth in question. I phoned my dentist surgery who done the work. Begged them for an appointment, explained the pain I was in was unbearable even with taking countless painkillers on a daily basis anyway. Eventually they agreed to give me an emergency appointment in mid December. That’s over a month and a half away thanks allot Gibraltar house. Starting to think it might be a better idea to have all my teeth removed and have false ones then I know I’m not going to get any more problems with them. But knowing my luck I would forget where I put them.


I have lost most faith in family and friends this week too. I don’t know if it’s because I was already depressed or it’s what’s causing the depression. I feel like I’m fighting all the time. Fighting to keep strong, keep the house reasonably tidy, to get people to understand that yes; yesterday I could walk to the shop but this moment in time I can’t get off the sofa, fighting to make my partner understand. We have fallen out many times this week over things that normally wouldn’t be worth sighing about. I am fed up of the countless number of times I have gone out my way to help my family giving up most of my childhood to look after my mum who became disabled due to EDS while I was still in school. Yet whenever I ask them for help I am made to feel guilty, like I’m taking advantage or I’m a bad mother. I am fed up of it all and I am fed up of being fed up.

That’s why tonight I have decided to crawl, yes literally, out of my pit of despair and have started yet another crochet project. This time it’s for my sister as a Xmas present. She is really into all the emo/ Goth stuff that’s going on at the moment. So I decided to crochet her a stripy “moody” scarf. I’m making good progress considering I only started 2 hours ago. So far I’m on my 6 row of colour. I hope she likes it, my dad was worried she might think it was old grannyish. If I can get it finished in time then I will make her some fingerless gloves or arm warmers as she’s mental over those too at the moment. Ill upload some pics when I can find the memory card for my camera. I know I had it last week as I uploaded pics here. Hmmmmm maybe its behind the fridge......

I’m excited and somewhat apprehensive about next week. Guess what were doing.....potty training. I gave it a trail today and Connor managed to pee in the potty twice. Admittedly he peed over other places but came and told me which is a good sign. I think it will go ok. His got the sensation most the time so I guess just see how things go. If anyone has any tips please feel free to leave a comment.

Well I got my new cross stitches come through 2 days ago. I haven’t made as much progress as I thought I would due to it being more complicated then I thought. The instructions and graph thingy are harder to read then I am used to. I won’t bother putting a picture of it up yet as there’s not that much to see.

I have been working on enterlac, and can’t work out where I’m going wrong. The “wrong side” (part I’m working on) looks brilliant but the other side seems all messy and uneven, the colour changes don’t seem to be even, there’s uppy bits and downy bits. If anyone can tell me what I’m doing wrong please let me know, ill pay you in cookies :P. I also received my Tunisian crochet hook this week, now just waiting to find the perfect wool to test it out with.



"Wrong side"





The wrong side is kinda neat. 



The right side is messy and has some raised bits on it, as im sure you can see. Im not sure where im going wrong. If you think you might be able to help, please let me know, ill give you a cookie : P



Connors managed to total his glasses, glasses that are meant to be child proof. He was trying to get out the back door with a football in his hands. Normally he holds onto the doorframe, but this time he didn’t. Head first onto paving slabs. His ok just a couple of scratches and a lot of tears. The glasses took most of impact so he was bloody lucky. We have to take his glasses back on Thursday to have them mended. I can’t wait I didn’t realise how much he bumped into things without them.

My tooth seems fine a little tender but I can now eat “adult” food like mash potatoes, chocolate, bread again. No longer stuck with soup and mush. Yay thank you tooth for sorting yourself out. Damned dentists.

I seem to be waking up every couple of days with a headache from hell. Not quite a migraine but not far off it. I think it may be something to do with either stress or medication or possibly stress related to medication. It could be too much chocolate or not enough......personally I like the sound of that more then I should. It could be from the weather. I’m refusing to put the heating on yet. It could be from spending so much time on the computer. It could be due to trying to work out why I got a headache. It’s properly that one.

I also got a new laptop this week. It’s one that my partner used. Bigger screen, bigger keyboard, all-round better. I can now play the games I want to though I doubt it will improve my ability to play them. I play CSS a lot. I normally last about a minute and half. I am truly crap at shoot ‘em games.

I have an appointment with Professor Graham, who specialises in EDS, coming up next month. I’m looking forward to it. I have so many questions for him. As it’s almost 3 hours travel there I’m hoping to make a day of it and see some of the sights around London. We’ll properly go to see my partners mum as she lives on the outskirts. Is it a bad sign when you count an appointment at a hospital a day trip? Even better it’s a hospital I haven’t been to before, yay, only question is now, what supports do I wear and should I get the ones that match my undies?

And for all those who are having a bad day, I present to you this picture. I only turnt my back for a second. Imagine the fun I had clearing it up, bearing in mind I had only finished scrubbing the kitchen before dinner. Ta-dar

Dont you just love kids

Crap dentist

So after being in agnoy for the last month, i finally went back to the dentist about my fillings i had done. I thought at first i had got a infection, or needed another filling. The pain i was in was unbearable. I was sweating constantly,crying and felt sick. The dentist had a quick look and said it was a trapped nerve, from where the other dentist had put the fillings in wrong!! Grrr now i have to be sedated again to have the filling taken out and relieve the pressure. Fucking asshole

Chessington

On Sunday we went out for a works day out with my partners work mates. We went to Chessington world of adventures. It was a great day, even though I spent the entire day in so much pain all I wanted to do was throw up. We didn’t go on any of the big rides, but did go on some of the smaller ones with my son. It was great to see him having so much fun. One of my favourite parts was the bird feeding part. You get to walk through where all the birds are and they eat out of your hands. They are so sweet. My son wasn’t too sure about them but my partner and I loved them. Sealife was good too. We have some amazing photos, which I will post at the end of this. Things to remember next time we go is to take my damned crutches as my partner forgot them and also Connors big pushchair as it can take my weight and I don’t have to use crutches with it. Oh yeah and don’t leave the radio on in the car when we park up as we ended up waiting for the RAC to come and rescue us.....Again.

Feeding the birdies

Me and Connor on the dragon boats