Friday, 15 October 2010

:'( bad week :'(

It’s been a long terrible week. So many times I have ended up in tears wondering what’s the point of it all. I have been in amazing pain due to my EDS, and to top it off I’m still having problems with my teeth. Trapped nerves again this time in another tooth. The filling started to “bubble” and has started to fall out. That’s when the pain was at its worse. I also ended up with an abscess just above the tooth in question. I phoned my dentist surgery who done the work. Begged them for an appointment, explained the pain I was in was unbearable even with taking countless painkillers on a daily basis anyway. Eventually they agreed to give me an emergency appointment in mid December. That’s over a month and a half away thanks allot Gibraltar house. Starting to think it might be a better idea to have all my teeth removed and have false ones then I know I’m not going to get any more problems with them. But knowing my luck I would forget where I put them.

I have lost most faith in family and friends this week too. I don’t know if it’s because I was already depressed or it’s what’s causing the depression. I feel like I’m fighting all the time. Fighting to keep strong, keep the house reasonably tidy, to get people to understand that yes; yesterday I could walk to the shop but this moment in time I can’t get off the sofa, fighting to make my partner understand. We have fallen out many times this week over things that normally wouldn’t be worth sighing about. I am fed up of the countless number of times I have gone out my way to help my family giving up most of my childhood to look after my mum who became disabled due to EDS while I was still in school. Yet whenever I ask them for help I am made to feel guilty, like I’m taking advantage or I’m a bad mother. I am fed up of it all and I am fed up of being fed up.

That’s why tonight I have decided to crawl, yes literally, out of my pit of despair and have started yet another crochet project. This time it’s for my sister as a Xmas present. She is really into all the emo/ Goth stuff that’s going on at the moment. So I decided to crochet her a stripy “moody” scarf. I’m making good progress considering I only started 2 hours ago. So far I’m on my 6 row of colour. I hope she likes it, my dad was worried she might think it was old grannyish. If I can get it finished in time then I will make her some fingerless gloves or arm warmers as she’s mental over those too at the moment. Ill upload some pics when I can find the memory card for my camera. I know I had it last week as I uploaded pics here. Hmmmmm maybe its behind the fridge......

I’m excited and somewhat apprehensive about next week. Guess what were doing.....potty training. I gave it a trail today and Connor managed to pee in the potty twice. Admittedly he peed over other places but came and told me which is a good sign. I think it will go ok. His got the sensation most the time so I guess just see how things go. If anyone has any tips please feel free to leave a comment.

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